Malopropisms

A malapropism is the “misuse of similar sounding words, especially with humorous results“.  My grandfather was the king of malapropisms. Wall plaques were wall plagues. A tracheotomy was a trigonometry. And when he was ill, he would get fluid in his barnacles instead of in his bronchioles and his sciences would be all plugged up. Archie Bunker was also great at malopropisms. “A woman doctor is only good for women’s problems…like your groinocology.” (i.e., Gynaecology)

I was diagnosed with early onset malapropism-ism when I was a teenager. The movie ‘Conan the Barbarian’ was playing on T.V. and I announced rather loudly that I thought ‘Gonad the Barbarian’ was a stupid show. It took half an hour for my parents to stop wheezing.

Perhaps I had outgrown it? No. I told my sister one day that I though Adeerdrinack chairs would be so fabulous in the yard in my first home.

“What did you say?”, she asked with a sly smile creeping across her mouth.

“Adeerdrinack. You know. Those cool chairs with the slats?…”

Her burst of laughter prevented any further conversation. “You mean Ad ir on dack!”