Pheasant Under Glass

WARNING!!!! The content of this post may be graphic and unsuitable for people who are about to eat dinner.

I was driving near Dickinson, ND the other day for my job. For those of you that don’t know where Dickinson is, it’s not near anything, really. I can’t even explain it to you it is so remote. The people there however, ARE VERY NICE. I want to make this clear so you know it’s not a complete waste of time to go there and in case any of them read my blog.

Because of the nothingness that surrounds Dickinson, the speed limit on the interstate that takes you there is 75 mph, which, when I do a quick little math calculation in my head, means 82. So there I was, slightly speeding, mindlessly looking at nothing but fields, when out of the blue I heard a loud THWACK. I saw feathers dispersing themselves around my car  and I saw a bird flying off to the left.

And I’m thinking...”AAAGGGHHHH. OMG!!! Did I hurt it? Okay. Okay. At least I didn’t kill it because it flew off. So I won’t say the prayer for dead animals. What was it?!” I put all the facts together in my head and concluded that it was a hawk, that it might be hurt, but it was at least alive, and that this was totally not my fault as the bird just FLEW up out of the ditch so rapidly. I also briefly wondered if hitting a hawk was some kind of crime. Are they endangered? So I prayed to God to swiftly heal it, or put it out of it’s misery. That’s really all I could do so I continued on to my destination.

When I arrived at the gas station in Dickinson to refuel, I stepped out of my car and immediately noticed feathers poking out around my front headlight. Oh God. And people were staring. Oh Crap. I cautiously walked to the front on my car and this is what I saw.

That’s right. A pheasant. Not only dead, but stuck in my headlight. I said my prayer for dead animals…”God in heaven, Up above, Please look down below. Take this little animal where all Gods creatures go.” Then I had to go into the gas station store and buy gloves so I could pull it out, which I did once I dispersed the crowd that had gathered. Apparently what “flew off” immediately after impact was the upper body of this pheasant. 😦

After the guilt dissipated, I took a picture of it, sent it to all my friends and co-workers, and ran through a litany of inappropriate statements about it such as…”having pheasant under glass for lunch”, “a cock and some feathers”, you get the gist. I know! I know! Highly inappropriate and slightly mean. But I couldn’t help it. My mind just goes there. (Sorry little pheasant!!)

And just so you know, there are a LOT of pheasants near Dickinson, ND. They are dumb birds. They will see you coming. They will stop. And then they will run toward the scary thing (your car) that made them stop in the first place. If you want any – just come ride with me. No need to buy fancy guns or outfits.